I know that it is needless to say that I just can't keep up with blogging during this holiday season. But...I HAVE to post this! I enjoy sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly, and this one is pretty darn ugly. Unfortunately, it's about my heart during this glorious season! Here it goes!
Yesterday, we celebrated our last day of school by not doing any school and going to a friends house to have a Christmas party...we read Christmas stories, watched a Christmas movie, did a craft, ate pizza, decorated cookies...a fantastic time! I had a few errands to run after our party and before the kids' spanish lesson at three, and here is where it hits the fan.
Our first lovely errand was dropping off all the gifts we had purchased and wrapped for our Adopt-a-Family through Salvation Army. I truly love doing this and we are so blessed that I feel a responsibility to help those that may be struggling. However...I will not be shopping at Wal-Mart again...but that story is for another post all about my ugly heart as well...
Anyways...after dropping off our gifts, we head...to the Post Office. Oh yes, the post office at this time of year with 4 young children, 3 of which just have a hard time with self-control...why have I not learned????? The line is only about 20 people long, they actually have a pile of toys that the kids can play with--nice! I have my bag of gifts to fit into a box and a few envelopes...we pass the flat rate display panel and pick out a box that my packages will fit into and start putting my packages in the box...the kids are sprawled out on the floor around me playing with the toys, we are slowly inching our way through the line as I move along filling out the addresses on the 3 packages I have to mail.
**sigh** "Do you mind if I go in front of you?" says the elderly woman behind me, which I know by reading her body language the last few minutes has NOT been happy to be behind me.
I pause for quite awhile, since I am not quick on my feet at all and am just absolutely bewildered that someone would ask me this... "No, I'd really like to keep my place in line..." I weakly respond.
There you go. I cannot believe I told this little old lady no! Now, there were a few more comments from this little old lady that I won't share, since I am tempted to justify my behavior! I tried to redeem my failure to hand out grace and be a light for Jesus by asking her if she'd like to go ahead of me once I got to the front of the line, but she not-so-graciously declined.
Oh dear. A major fail on my part. It led to a good discussion with the kids that night, especially Zeke who could understand my struggle to show this lady grace. I told him that this is the way parents and trained and disciplined by God. He got to see me repent that night when I was praying for him at bedtime and ask God for another chance to extend someone grace who doesn't deserve it, just as our Lord gives us favor when we don't deserve it.
I am so far from Jesus! I feel as if my heart has shrunk this season and is just a few sizes...too small...